The Missing Word

I was introduced to a particular sin at a very young age. As I grew older, I came to understand that it was wrong, but the sin itself continued to grow as well. I did not want to get help, expose the sin, or expose myself to anyone. Over time, what I kept hidden became a way of life. Outwardly, I was doing what I believed to be all the right Christian things. I attended Sunday school, served in ministries, and later even taught Sunday school. Yet inwardly, I was hiding unrepentant sin.

I tried to cleanse myself. I tried to substitute sin with other interests. My prayer to God became, “I promise I won’t do this ever again.” Looking back, I prayed that promise as often as I broke it. I cried to Him with sincere emotion, telling Him I was done living “like this,” but my tears were never sufficient to wash away my sin. I asked God to remove the sin out of me and I rebuked Satan in the name of Jesus declaring myself free from his grip. But after all the declaring, decreeing, and rebuking, I had to face the truth: I was the one gripping this sinful lifestyle.

I believed God’s Word. I believed He loved me. I believed the gospel of Jesus’ sacrifice. Still, in my limited way of thinking, I imagined God shaking His head in disapproval, holding me at a distance until I could get myself together. In the meantime, I kept praying, studying, teaching, serving, and trying to be what others would see as “good,” while secretly living in the very thing that was destroying me. I was worn out.

One summer afternoon, I was reading 1 Samuel 8. The elders of Israel had gathered before the prophet Samuel to demand a king. Samuel was displeased and brought their request to God. The Lord told him to listen to them, “for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me from being king over them…from the day I brought them up out of Egypt even to this day, forsaking Me and serving other gods” (1 Samuel 8:7-8). After reading this chapter, I closed my Bible, scoffed, and asked, “Why couldn’t they get it right?” I looked on them with contempt—those stiff-necked people who kept turning, rebelling, and grumbling against God.

Then I placed my hand over my heart and began my usual prayer. The words came out almost automatically: “Lord, that’s me.” I said it again, still waiting for the next words to come but when they did not, I repeated the phrase a third time: “That’s me.” That third time broke something within me. I realized, the Israelites are me. I was the one turning to other gods again and again, even while God kept me, provided for me, and loved me. I wanted other things: men, people, someone to rule over me. I was the one rejecting God. I was the one who hurt the heart of God. That day, for the first time, I genuinely and deeply mourned over my sin.

What happened next was a miracle. The sin, with all its years of desire, grip, subjugation, weight, and defilement, was completely obliterated. It felt as though I walked in light and freedom every day after that. No longer hiding, my heart was exposed to His love and light. I have never been the same, and I have never turned back. No surgery, money, laying on of hands, rebuking Satan, special retreat, months-long fast, or religious effort had done what God did in that moment. What was missing? One wonderful word made the difference: repentance.

God’s only Son, Jesus, was born fully God and fully human. Though He was completely blameless and sinless, He took the eternal punishment we deserve for violating God’s law (2 Corinthians 5:21). Through Roman crucifixion, He endured beating, torture, and humiliation before literally giving His life on the cross (Isaiah 53:5-8; Luke 23:46). The life Jesus lived and sacrificed opened the way for all to receive salvation and enter into a relationship with God (John 3:16). Salvation removes the bondage of sin and its consequence in full, along with many other eternal blessings. However, salvation must be received; it is not automatically applied to every person. We receive the free gift of salvation through faith, and even that faith is a gift from God (Ephesians 2:8-9). But we must first recognize our need for God’s mercy and salvation because we have violated His just law. In other words, repentance is required.

Every Old Testament prophet preached repentance. John the Baptist preached the same message: “Repent” (Matthew 3:2). Jesus began His earthly ministry with the same call: “Repent” (Matthew 4:17). In Acts 2, on the Day of Pentecost, devout Jews in Jerusalem heard Spirit-filled men and women declaring “the wonderful works of God” in various languages. Peter explained that what they were witnessing is the fulfillment of prophecy and the promise of Jesus. Then he preached the gospel: Jesus crucified, resurrected, and exalted. Those devout listeners were cut to the heart and asked Peter and the apostles, “What shall we do?” Peter’s first word was not “sacrifice,” “give alms,” or “recite a prayer.” His first word was, “Repent” (Acts 2:37-38). If even these devout, religious, God-fearing men needed repentance, then religion itself is not the key to salvation or receiving the Holy Spirit.

Reading and quoting Scripture, giving to the poor, avoiding visible addictions, and crying during worship may all appear spiritual, but none of them provides or proves salvation. In Psalm 51, King David, convicted of his grievous sin against God, pleads for forgiveness and cleansing. Verses 16-17 describe the beautiful brokenness that delights the Lord: “For You will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it…The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” The sacrifice of things, effort, or lip service does not impress God. But He gladly receives a genuinely penitent heart and empty hands.

What God does with that broken, remorseful heart is extraordinary. When we truly recognize that God desires spiritual intimacy with us, we also gain an understanding that our sin grieves and separates us from Him. Reconciliation with us cost Him the sacrifice of His Son and this act of love changes everything. We can stop hiding from an imagined scowl of disapproval and run to Him, throwing ourselves on His mercy.

My prayer is that saints and sinners alike would experience the amazing miracle God gives through repentance. He is always ready to forgive and cleanse us from sin, but we must confess our sins to Him (1 John 1:9). I would also encourage us to confess our struggles to a trusted Christ-follower who will pray with us and lead us back to God’s Word and God’s heart. Let’s be honest: if we want people to break the cycle of sin and experience true spiritual freedom and joy, we do them no good by merely encouraging them to preserve the appearance of religion. Instead, let’s tell them about the kind of brokenness where God does His miraculous cleansing work. Let’s not leave this word missing from our message or from our lives today. Repentance is a beautiful word.

I identify with Israel as a recipient of God’s incredible mercy and abundant grace, not as a Hebrew.